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Lego Island 2: The Brickster's Revenge
(After the intro, we cut to the G-man at his desk in his room) G-man: Hello, everyone! I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that. Legos: Fun to play with, painful to step on, (He holds up his Lego Gun) and makes for a great weapon! (He sets it aside) Also, it’s a cash cow for movies, books, cartoons, and of course, video games! One of which being for the PC called Lego Island 2: The Brickster’s Revenge! (Cut to clips of gameplay) G-man (V.O): Released in 2001 for the PC, Lego Island 2 is an action-adventure video game developed by Silicon Dreams Studio and published by Lego Software. It’s the sequel to Lego Island, it was followed by Island Xtreme Stunts, and unlike the first game, it’s third-person rather than first. Which is a pretty big step-up. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Now, I know what you’re thinking: “G-man, wouldn’t it make sense to review the first Lego Island game before the sequel?” Well, here’s my response: My site, my rules. With that out of the way, let’s play Lego Island 2! (Cut to the opening cutscene) G-man (V.O): Well, the opening cutscene looks good. But how does the rest of the game look? Infomaniac: Well, knock me over and call me deconstructed! If it isn’t Pepper, the Dude with the Food. Listen I’ve got good news, and I’ve got better news. Which would you like to hear first? Pepper: I’m all ears. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Oh, God! It’s got graphics that make Sonic 06’s look like a masterpiece! (Cut back to the game) G-man: Now, you’re probably wondering what the name of our main hero is. We know his name is Pepper, but does he have a last name? You bet he does! And it’s… (He sighs) Roni. Yep. Pepper Roni. Because he’s a pizza guy. Do you think he would’ve had a different future if his name was Rob Kabab? Anyway, the Infomaniac, yes, that’s his name, tells Pepper that the citizens of the island are donating Lego bricks to his house in exchange for pizza. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: That’s got to be the meanest way to pay someone! I remember I tried that, and let’s just say things didn’t go so well. (There’s a moment of silence before the G-man speaks again) Oh, I have a sketch, I just don’t want to relive it again! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Alright, let’s deliver some pizzas. This guy looks hungry. Pepper: Rob, I got your pizza here. Rob: Pepper! I haven’t forgotten your chilli surprise. I hope this pizza is the one I ordered this time. G-man (V.O): Um, what the hell is up with this dude’s voice? He sounds like a drunk guy trying to sound sober! Rob: Oh, I have some bricks for you, Pepper. Don’t worry, none of them explode or anything like that, honest. G-man (V.O): Okay, this guy’s creeping me out. Let’s move on. (He encounters another island resident) What about you? You want a pizza? Resident: Pepper’s pizza makes me dribble! (Cut back to the G-man looking disturbed) G-man: I’ll take that as an overly-erotic "Yes"! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Okay, our house is complete, but before we can actually go in, we get a message from Pepper’s father saying that he has one more, quote: "Teeny eeny weeny pizza delivery job". Pepper: You got it, Papa! ‘Cause I’m the Dude with the Food and I’m on my way! G-man (V.O): Am I the only one who thinks Pepper sounds like Kid Goku? Anyway, Papa wants us to deliver a pizza to the Brickster; the main antagonist. For those unfamiliar, pizza is what allowed him to escape in the first game. And as we saw in the opening cutscene, there’s still a "No Pizza" sign. So, why are we still allowing him to get pizza after that whole fiasco? Brickster: Step back and watch my dragon breath blow! (The Brickster literally breathes fire as he spazzes out. Cut back to the G-man looking confused) G-man: I blinked. What happened? (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Oh well. Somehow, he escapes. And Pepper is… Pepper: Wait! You didn’t pay for your pizza! G-man (V.O): A goddamn idiot. The Brickster steals something called the Constructopedia. It’s not explained as to what it is, or where it came from, but when he tears pages out of it, buildings on the island deconstruct. So, I assume that it’s some kind of power source. Brickster: I now hereby summon the Brickster-Bots of Ogel! (A portal in the sky opens as multiple Brickster-Bots fly out of it. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Y’know, since the majority of questions I have for this game will go unanswered, I’ll just let it slide for now. (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): So, all the buildings on the island are destroyed, and then this happens: Infomaniac: We need a fast-thinking, smart-acting, brave, clean, and reverent hero to save the day. Pepper, what are you doing? (An awkward moment of silence occurs before Pepper speaks) Pepper: My best! G-man (V.O): You know, I just realized. Pepper, technically, is to blame for this. If he hadn’t delivered the pizza, the Brickster wouldn’t have escaped! So, why are people relying on him after what he’s done? (He sighs) Nonetheless, we’re looking for the pages of the Constructopedia. This is what most of the game is comprised of. If you talk to an islander, they’ll just say something ridiculous. But if you talk to them a second time, they’ll point in the direction of one of the pages. Yeah, try that in real life and see where that gets you. (Cut to a minigame where Pepper is hitting the Brickster-Bot heads with a large mallet. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Oh, right. There are minigames scattered throughout the story. And how could I forget? There’s a fuckload of them! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): After we destroy the Brickster-Bots, we get a quote: "Chaos call from Castle Island". The Brickster destroyed the bridge that connects the two castles, and now they can’t battle each other. (The text "What?!" pops up for a brief moment) My thoughts exactly. So, we take a boat through some kind of portal in the water, and now we’re on Castle Island. And then Pepper says this: Pepper: I’m a Lego Meister and Bridge Repairer. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Good for you, brick-for-brains! (A laugh track is heard before we cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): After we go through a diving minigame, we get rewarded with another Constructopedia page. And then this happens: Infomaniac: We have found another page. Seriously, no bull, it’s at the bulls’ castle! G-man (V.O): Wow! They made a bullshit joke in a damn kids’ game! What next? (A knight throws a white pony at Pepper from a top the Bulls’ castle) Uh… Pepper: Pepper Roni on a pony! Way cool! (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Y’know, I think it’d be appropriate to have Pinkie riff on this scene. (Pinkie Pie pops her head in from the right side of the screen) Pinkie: You called? G-man: What you think of this line? (The scene plays again) Pepper: Pepper Roni on a pony! Way cool! (When we cut back to the G-man, he has a piece of paper taped to his face with the words "BUCK THIS!" written on it in all capital letters) G-man: My thoughts exactly. (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): So, it turns out that the page is on a flagpole, and we’ll need to get the original flag back from the Lions. But when we get there, we need to win a jousting match against the Bulls’ Dark Knight. When we beat him in, big shocker, a minigame, we give the flag back. But before we get a chance to, someone named Cedric the Bull steals it. and then we battle him via, get this: ANOTHER MINIGAME! (Cut back to the G-man with the piece of paper gone from his face) G-man: What is with all the minigames? It’s like this game has a fetish for them! Actually, if you look up those words in the Urban Dictionary, you’ll find this game’s box art! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): When we get back to the main island, we go back to finding pages. Afterwards, we go to the police station where we get a helicopter. Nick the Officer: Pepper, I hereby deputize you so you can use the police helicopter, which is pretty cool. Pepper: Wow, it is cool! But I bet I can make it look even cooler. Nick: Personally, I can’t think of anything cooler than a black and white helicopter. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Thanks for the info, Officer Colorblind! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): The next page is at Adventurers’ Island, and here we meet Johnny Thunder and Miss Pippen Read. (Under his breath) What were these assholes smoking? (Out loud) And here we get to the worst minigame out of them all. All you do is shoot snakes with a coconut gun. It lasts for way too damn long, and every time, literally, every time you hit one, you have to listen to Pepper say: (A montage of Pepper saying “I got one!” plays briefly before we cut back to the G-man) G-man: How else can he be annoying as hell? (Cut back to the game after the minigame ends) Doctor Kilroy: Hello, Johnny and Miss Read. I see you’ve brought a friend… Johnny: Yes, Doctor. This is Pepper, and he’s… Pepper: Pepper Roni! (Cut back to the G-man banging his head on his desk) G-man (After each bang): It. Was just. A rhetorical. Question! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): After another pointless minigame, we learn that a page has been spotted at the Mummies’ Tomb. And after we complete another damn minigame, we drive towards the oasis via another minigame, and we’re immediately thrown into another one when we get there! Seriously, what’s with all the pointless minigames?! Anyway, when we get back to the main island, we learn that the Brickster has kidnapped Pepper’s parents. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: You know, for kids! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): So, what now? Get this: Infomaniac: Okay, so the plan now is for you to go to the radio station and get a radio. I think we can beat them with music. G-man (V.O): And guess what? It actually works! What could be playing on that radio that makes Brickster-Bots dance so much? (Intergalactic by the Beastie boys plays briefly over a scene of a Brickster-Bot dancing. Cut back to the G-man) G-man: I would’ve made a Lego Movie joke and played Everything is Awesome, but that would’ve been too obvious of a joke to make. (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): And now we’re on the Brickster’s planet. But what was that he said earlier? (Cut to earlier in the game) Brickster: I can have pizza on Ogel Island anytime I want to! G-man (V.O): So, is it an island or a planet? He said island, but we took a spaceship to a planet that’s also called Ogel. Make up your mind, dude! Or… Girl! I don’t know what gender this game is! Whatever, we’re almost done with this. So, are next task is to make enough pizzas for the citizens of Ogel to fall asleep. How do we do that? We throw the toppings at a floating pizza crust. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Because God forbid you do it the old-fashioned way! It’s the future, bitch! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Anyway, after we complete one last frustrating minigame, we defeat the Brickster and bring peace back to Lego Island. (A girl with the same tone of red hair as Pepper’s runs up and kisses him) Okay, and the point of her was…? (The citizens begin dancing) Who was that? Why are we dancing? What happened to the Brickster? Ugh! Whatever, game’s over. (Cut back to the G-man) G-man: Lego Island 2 was a huge disappointment. Unlike the first game, it was repetitive, annoying, and in no way fun at all! Now, I know I should’ve reviewed the prequel first, but one again: My site, my rules! Well, I am the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that! Peace! Category:Episode